i am SO depressed and upset today. i got an e-mail from my dad yesterday, and i think i'll just copy and paste it here, because i don't feel like paraphrasing it.

<<<<You are correct. I am very disappointed. This is the second big
opportunity that you have blown. I really hope you don't think that you are
going to get out of the Air Force after less than 2 years that easy and
get all of that stuff. I also hope that you know that you are going to
have to tell anyone who looks at hiring you about your military history
and if it is a dishonerable discharge, most will not hire you. I hope
you have thought this out and have a plan on how you are going to
support yourself. You will have no education, no military benefits, no
drivers license and no income and living in one of the most expensive
places in the country. Good luck. After all of these years, you still
don't get it. It's all about you and what you want and nobody else knows
shit.

I really don't know what to believe anymore. All I know is that you
have been looking for anyway out of the Air Force that you could find.
In that regard you really are in a self destructive mode. Don't fuck
with the government. You will always lose.

Jake and I went thru your stuff to see what was sentimental and what
wasn’t we sold at a yard sale a couple months ago. I just couldn’t
afford or justify spending $164 a month to keep stuff in storage that
wasn’t even worth that much. The money you made went to Mamaw towards
the cancellation fee on the phone. You still owe her the rest of your
bill plus some on the cancellation fee.

What money you have in your account won't last long, especially the way
you have been spending. I hope you still have the information on your
account that we sent you when you got to DLI. We sent you everything
you needed to access your money.

Good Luck,
Love
Dad>>>>

well, i don't care. and no, i don't have what i need to access my money. i've tried several times.

i'm hiding out today because all i want to do is cry. i don't even want to sleep like i usually do when i'm upset. and i definitely don't want to eat. i just want to cry and slice myself open and cry some more. i've never felt this intensely alone and depressed, even when i tried to kill myself.